Out of work blues

[DaveB]

Dear all,

I recently lost another job after only being there eight months - I was told that I was not up to scratch by my manager so had to resign so as to be able to get a good job reference.   Sadly, this is one of many in the last seven years.  Such a great time to be out of work in the world of covid at age 57!

I worked as a health and safety advisor over the last twenty years.   All was fine until I decided (foolishly) at the age of 50 to move from where I was (I had worked for this firm for eleven years) and go to another company.   Without going into embarrassing details this lasted two weeks.   Since then, I have had a succession of jobs some of which ended due to contract roles finishing and others where I was told I was no good for the role.   What has not helped is I have always suffered with anxiety but this has become far worse to the point I seem to have lost total confidence in my ability to carry on in safety work.

This has put terrible strain on my wife Jacquie as well as myself.   Thankfully, we have no debts, a tiny mortgage (and Jacquie is working) and my two sons have grown up and left home.  We are in a far better situation than most so I am grateful for that.

The job market here in the UK (and probably around the world) is dire.   My option now is to put it all in the past, move forward and early semi-retire.   I am therefore going to try and get part time work outside of health and safety (the work in this role has massively changed and I am no longer up to date with it) just to give me a bit of additional income.

Frustrating as there are some great new WW1 aircraft kits on the horizon as well!

I will finish by saying I have been in a very dark place in recent years but I am now hoping things will turn around for the better and be more positive.  I would normally never (and be very embarrassed) to open up publically but writing about it actually makes me feel a bit better.

Regards

Dave

[Alexis]

I know how you feel Dave and it's not a comfortable spot to be in . Last year at the end of October I was laid off and still haven't been able to find work and the situation is getting worse with more and more business closing for good ...it's stressful . My Unemployment insurance runs out in Nov and already I'm starting to panic over this . I'm single so only have the one income for my household . I keep telling the cat to go and find work , but he doesn't listen to me all and rather be curled up by my feet sleeping . My age plays a part in this as well . I still feel young , full of energy but being 50 doesn't make it any easier finding work .

I can say though Dave that things will turn around , for the past 13 years I have been in a very dark place . The past 4 months have been an eye opener on a lot of things within me and I learn't alot about myself . The members here have been a huge aid and the friendship they have shown is above what anyone would expect . I'm grateful for this and for the people around me who have opened their hands and hearts towards my healing .

You are part of the family here and if you ever need to talk ...we're listening 


Alexis

[Manni]

Hi, Dave. I feel with you. At first you think about all kind of catastrophes that could now happen, but it is right as you did it and take a look at the whole thing. May be you find a halftime job in a completely different field of work and it brings you joy. Sometimes those times open up one's eyes to the real important things.
Fingers crossed for you,
Manni

[lone modeller]

There are many of us who have been in dark places at different times Dave, and I have been aware for a long time of the traumas that you have experienced. I think that you have made the correct decision to accept that a part time job may be the best solution until you can start to draw a pension. Money matters of course (we all have bills to pay), but health matters too and if working causes stress that leads to long term illness you need to think about the best way forward. Hopefully now that you have made the decision to leave health and safety behind you can find a part-time job which will pay enough to cover the essential bills and remove that pressure from you and Jacquie. Somehow you will also be able to find the few pennies (pounds), to buy the odd kit now and again to keep you going I am sure.

Remember that we are here to listen, but we cannot do so unless you tell us. The people on this site are very supportive and do not judge - do not be concerned about sharing your hopes and fears.

Stephen.

[Monty]

Hi Dave, that is a very brave post you placed here. These are hard times, and it's difficult to see the positives. Many of our forumites seem to be in similar troubles and their posts are wonderful for the encouragement and hope they bring. This tells me lots about the resilience of human nature - and the bonds that unite us all. There are always trials and disappointments that crash in on us, at the time things seem dark, but very soon the light returns again.... I wish you and Jacquie all the best in the future, there is little doubt things will improve and we will continue to share our creative, beautiful hobby. Regards, Marc and Vanessa.

[DaveB]

Thank you all very kindly -

I did wonder beforehand whether it was right to open up like this - however, I actually felt better once I had.

I am also hopeful that things will move forward more positively in the future.

This hobby (and this forum) is great for relieving stress and it is great knowing there is such wonderful support from forum members!  It is also good that fencing can take place (albeit with restrictions) again (and try to get a bit of fitness back) and be able to meet up in person with friends again.

Alexis - my god I really prey things work out for you.   I cannot begin to imagine what coping with this on your own is like.  Will you be able to get any financial support from the government once your insurance runs out?   Hopefully, you have family members and friends close by?

Best wishes

Regards

Dave

[RLWP]

As you have mentioned it (well done), are you taking any action about your anxiety? I sort of coped with mine until eventually it stopped me working

That eventually lead to me doing a job that I thoroughly enjoy, it was a bit of a rough road at first though. That would have been in my early fifties

And being absolutely serious, sharing your experience like you have is really helpful both to yourself and to others

Keep posting!

Richard

Oh, I still have anxiety. I've learned to be aware of it and take notice of what it is trying to tell me

[DaveB]

Hello, Richard -

Thank you.  I don't think people who don't suffer with anxiety really understand how debilitating it can be - it certainly has caused me problems with work in recent years.  Yes, I take some medication to help keep the worse of the symptoms at bay (and help me manage it) and have tried various therapy sessions over the years with mixed results.

Interesting you experienced in your early fifties and pleased you have managed to get the right job for you.

Regards

Dave

[RLWP]

Hello, Richard -

Thank you.  I don't think people who don't suffer with anxiety really understand how debilitating it can be - it certainly has caused me problems with work in recent years.  Yes, I take some medication to help keep the worse of the symptoms at bay (and help me manage it) and have tried various therapy sessions over the years with mixed results.

Interesting you experienced in your early fifties and pleased you have managed to get the right job for you.

Regards

Dave

I wonder if people who know you are surprised that you have anxiety? It surprises people I've told as they see me as a cheerful person.

I am when I am with people, it usually leads to me having a bit of internal panic later on

I'm on medication too, I was also worked with a counsellor for a long time. One of the most practical things I did was a course with Mind in Coventry for and run by people with anxiety that has a lot of simple things to do. I'm not sure if such courses are happening at the moment due to Covid

Richard

[Alexis]

Hi Dave ,

I will be fine , I have a few close friends who support me , no family here but I do have a sister I talk with and she lives in BC Canada

Their is assistance when my insurance runs out , but I rather be working and I still have almost 6 months left until that happens . In the meantime I have to learn not to let that stress me me out raising my anxiety . I will also be making a career change , going back to school this fall for social worker for Woman and the Transgender community . There isn't a lot of social workers here and is a good field to get into and I don't have to wear steel toes anymore . For now it will be warehousing for at least another year and half . This will be my third career change and my last .

Anxiety is very debilitating and stops us from reaching our potential . It destroys us slowly . My counselor has been very helpful and gave me homework . I had to read a book Titled You are not your brain by Jeffrey M . Schwartz M.D and Rebecca Gladding M.D . This has been a great tool for me and an eye opener changing my perspective on how to handle my anxiety .

Sharing how we feel is very important and is something which shouldn't be bottle up inside . Your a brave person Dave to share and this truly makes you a remarkable person 


Alexis

[DaveB]

Richard -

Thank you again, mate.

Sadly, people do pick up on my anxiety although they say I hide it reasonably well.  It usually manifests itself in my constant worrying.

I will say though that my hobbies and sport really help - I always feel great after I have finished a bout at my local fencing club.

Alexis - Really pleased you have support from close friends and your sister - family is important and helps us through those difficult times.
I'm also very touched by what you have said so really appreciate the support.

Coming back to this forum has also proved to be a godsend too.

Best regards, all

Dave

[Dave W]

Hello Dave

I am so sorry to hear of the problems that have confronted you at a stage in life when you should be comfortable both in career and life. If it's any consolation I can totally empathise with you about the difficulties of finding employment in your 50s. Too often the HR people doing the hiring are younger than your own children, or they are insecure in their own jobs and fear hiring anyone experienced who may threaten their position.
Although your work has been in health and safety have you considered a total change to a whole new career ? Many years ago when I was "between jobs" I walked into a model shop and talked them into hiring me as a sales assistant selling model kits. It paid the bills and I got to buy kits at trade prices!
Perhaps it's time to look wider than health & safety positions? Or take on a new role somewhere and work yourself back up the career ladder?
Your Forum friends are always here to support you in whatever way we can.
I do hope things pick up again for you very soon

kindest regards

Dave Wilson
Gold Coast
Australia

[DaveB]

Cheers, Dave -

I appreciate your words of support.  And yes, I am now looking for roles other than safety and have a couple of promising irons in the fire which I hope will come good.

Regards

Dave

[Alexis]

Good for you you Dave , I send good karma your way !


Alexis

[DaveB]

Thanks, Alexis!

I won't say anything more in case it's unlucky .............  I'll keep you all posted if things work out.

Regards

Dave