Thanks Ed.
Manni, your words are more than appreciated, yes, I try not to sink into darkness, and have several friends and our family around me to support and help with meaningful comfort, but when I turn out the lights everything comes back to my mind and a deep sadness takes over, I know time will make the work, and living on is the only thing I can do and it is what I'm doing now.
I have something on mybench but there's not yet me there, I will sit back there in the next days...
Thanks again to everybody